The Logical Philosopher

Friday, November 17, 2006

An Inefficient Haloween

He was buzzing with excitement, the mere smell of the candy in the air enough to give him a sugar buzz.

"I am dressing as BATMAN!" Little LP exclaimed to anyone that would listen, throwing his cape over his eyes and darting is hand up to punctuate his words. All week, we heard nothing but 'batman' and 'candy'. Last year at Halloween, little LP dressed up and after being coaxed out into the cold, was elated when he discovered people would simply give him candy for free for simply yelling "Trick or Treating!" at the door. This year was different - he knew the drill - or so he thought.

At dusk we set out, Batman leading the way and dad keeping a close eye out for the good candy that needed "put aside" for mom and dad "just in case".

Knock knock! I heard as he arrived at the first door. "Trick or treat!" he screamed. "I'm Batman and I'm here for some CANDY!" I don't know if it was the excitement, or his realization that people were giving him sugar for free, but he started to chat. "I'm four you know, but my sister is two and still at home."

"Oh, that's too bad little Batman, here's some for your sister" I heard, as he collected another handful of loot. I could almost hear him thinking Hmmm, more talking is more candy???

A full EIGHT minutes later he departed the first house, having collected his booty. He repeated his performance for each house on our street, going no faster than three minutes at one house, but staying at another for twelve. To be fair the twelve-minute house visit had a talking and singing pumpkin, but the Return on Investment of the Talking to Candy Ratio still didn't pay.

I kept thinking of the Pretty Woman line, when Vivian is talking to Edward about not having to woo her with Champagne and Strawberries when they get to the hotel room.

"I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing."
Yes, a sure thing for candy yet he was taking the time to chat with each person. Later, I though of the math behind little LP's first real Halloween outing:

1 new trick or treater
+ 12 houses
+ 1 hour
= 1/4 bag of candy

Considering the adults ate most of the candy the following week, all I can say is I hope he is more efficient with his Halloween collection next year. If not, it may need to put in some father-son bonding time to teach him about the economics of seduction on Halloween night - it just doesn't pay!