Old Flames

"Wasn't that TG? She was hot... and LP, you dated her!" JT exclaimed, motioning to me. While I normally would enjoy reminiscing about old flames to the guy - this was not the time to do it. Why? Unfortunately JT started this conversation while I was sitting beside my wife.

I am sure you all know what is coming next.

Logical Philosopher-ette looked at me, eyes opening up wide, and stated "TG, Who's that?!" I briefly had the 'deer caught in the headlights' look, but recovered from JT's fumble.

"Just a girl I dated in high school" I said, already on the defensive. Thanks JT, I thought, as I shot a look across the table at him.

"And JT - you knew her? I though she was the girl you dated when you lived up north?" Oh boy, I thought, they are bringing them all up now - and for what reason, apart from their enjoyment of watching me squirm?!

"Oh yeah," Sandritia helpfully chimed in. "Wasn't that the girl you cheated on with Logical Philosopher-ette when you were first dating?"

Hold up I thought. What exactly did I do to deserve this? Was the lull in the conversation a queue to dive into my past love life? I was being double teamed on my relationships of my youth, 10+ years after the fact. And, more to the point, why was it being done in front of my wife!?

As they looked to me for a reply - with my wife looking with eyebrows raised quite high - I realized this was a lose-lose situation, no matter my reply. So, like any oblivious male I opted to try to explain myself and opened my mouth.

"Well..." I cautiously started, "technically I was dating this, ahem, 'northern girl' first, and cheated on her with who is now my now lovely wife." After a long, and awkward pause, I foolishly continued to speak. "And since I married her, don't you think the whole cheating thing worked out for the good?"

After another, yet longer awkward pause, my wife slowly shook her head, noting to the group "I think he should have quit when you were ahead".

All I could think of was at exactly what point was I ever ahead in this conversation! Talk about a lose-lose scenario.

Got Religion? Part 4 of 4

"So, after all that complaining, how was your weekend away?"

"It was ok" I replied after a moment's pause. With more indifference than interest in my tone, I continued on. "It was what it was."

Not satisfied, she pressed on, hoping for me to reveal some deep dark secrets of what happens on a weekend retreat. "Did you discuss your inner trauma eggs? Get into the midnight male bonding things over pizza and beer? At least talk Plato or Thoreau?"

"Not sure. They may have, but I went on a hike and a long run, then sat by the water writing out LP posts for the rest of the time."

"Arrgg!" she cried, throwing her head back in exasperation. "You must have liked something!"

"Well, yes. I liked that I learned things. Specifically about getting old."

She leaned forward, sensing that I was about to let her in on something big. I started to think, formulating the list in my head. I had learned many things, sharing a cabin with 7 other guys that were 25 years older than me. These included:

1) They go to bed early. Really early.

2) They get up really, really early. Like 5am early. What's up with that?

3) They make their beds, complete with hospital corners. I guess I still have 25 years to get into that routine, much to my wife's disappointement.

4) Even rough and tough motorbikers have timble collections. "Well, they fit in my saddlebag when I am on a trip!" was his defense.

I thought for a moment, and summed up my experience. "I liked that I learned that I never want to get old, mostly because I'll be forced to get up earlier and make my bed with hospital corners..."

Got Religion? Part 3 of 4

So after a long car ride - and a short ferry ride, I finally arrived. And here's how my weekend started: I was promptly assigned a cabin - where my bunk mates average age was 25 years older than me.

"Where's the bathroom?" one of the younger, older men asked. I say younger-older, because he had just retired, as compared to several of the others who had been retired for many many years.

"Down the hill, by the forest edge." another said, as he lined up his pills for the weekend.

"But that's too far to walk at night!" he whined. "I have bad knees!"

"Then go round to the back of the cabin and use the bushes," another suggested. "Just lift your leg and you'll be fine."

"The bushes? I'm almost 60! I can't do that!"

All I can say is, thank goodness I packed my runners.

Got Religion? Part 2 of 4

"So LP, I hear you're going on a retreat?"

"Yep."

"I didn't think you were a retreat kind of guy?"

"I'm not."

"So why go?"

"Logical Philosopher-ette signed me up and said she would be pretty mad if I didn't go and have a good time?"

"So are you planning on going and having a good time?"

"Of course... I packed my running shoes."

Got Religion? Part 1 of 4

"Honey, don't you find it ironic that you're sending me on this men's church retreat?"

"Why is that?"

"Because all I want to do is go for a run to the middle of nowhere this weekend, and I can't fit in both my bible and my running shoes in my bag. Talk about a dilemma!"

"So what are you going to do?"

"Pack my run stuff and time it so I'm gone for a run during the speakers... then I won't need the bible!"

"You sound like a 4 year old. Now go get a bigger knapsack."

I'm melting!

I have had writers un-block. Many stories, but no time to commit them to paper this week as I have had replace my writing time with tree-house building. Little LP is quite excited, and the Littler LP keeps asking me "You build me a house daddy?" She wants it pink. He wants it like a "green army thing." I may compromise and leave it the color of pressure treated lumber.

Fortunately it has been about 35 degrees (that's 95 for you Americans) while I was building, which made me feel OK about drinking vast amounts of Coke Slurpee's all day.

I'm heading off for a few days to a small Gulf Island where I suspect I won't be able to freeload on wi-fi, so will be offline. I will, however, have my blogging notebook so will come back with a pod of letters, hopefully in a story format.

See you on Monday!

Ride 'em Cowboy

The stories have been plentiful, but the deadly combination of extremely nice weather - and me having to spend it indoors huddled with my lawyers - has kept me too busy to write. Details shall be forthcoming... perhaps.

I shall be back next week for sure. In the mean time I'm still doing my "daily links" updates - just LOOK LEFT!

In the mean time I leave you with Little LP's comment of the week:

"Hey mom. When are you going to grow taller like dad?"

"Umm. I don't know. I don't think I will ever get taller."

"I know why you don't get taller. Because you drink coffee. Dad doesn't drink coffee and that's why he's tall and you're not!"

Let me know if you figure that logic out...