Which woman should I get upset?

I was out earlier two nights ago to help a friend, Ed, deliver a Christmas present. As usual our plans went sideways once we realized it was midnight and we had already consumed copious amounts of coke slurppee. Hence a 10 minute errand turned into a 1 hour directionless drive involving more slurpees, old Spanish maps and esoteric discussions on which woman it would be easier to upset (and live to talk about it) when deciding which party to attend for the upcoming New Years Eve.

Given the events of the evening I had a request from Ed: "Write about tonight." So please bear with me while I cater to his fantasy of being front & center on the blog...

After discovering the time and realizing our caffeine levels we quickly made plans to hook up with JT, an old physics buddy, in the Tim Hortons parking lot. Once we found out he was out driving randomly through "the hood" as well we knew it was meant to be. It did not seem strange to me that he was aimlessly driving around town by himself awaiting our call, but rather that we chose Tim Hortons of all places, knowing we prefer slurpees to coffee.

We slowed down in the parking lot just long enough for JT to hop in the back seat before peeling out. "Where we going?" he asked, slightly out of breath having made the sprint to our car. "I'm awake and ready to roll...and don't worry about the Pony, maybe it will be gone when we get back" he said, looking at his car in the parking lot as the cashier glanced out at the sudden parking lot commotion.

"I'm thinking some random driving downtown with a slushee stop on the way" was Ed's casual reply as we started towards downtown. "Five-o" JT called from the back seat as a police car came up behind us and cruised by, the officer peering in to check us out. "Be cool, and we won't get busted". I was thinking busted for what? Driving randomly towards downtown? But with a random drive heading downtown I knew there must have been more than old physics marks that Ed wanted to reminisce about.

"Ok JT, got a serious issue I need your advice on. Large potential dilemma may be brewing. I'm not sure where I want to be on New Year's eve...." Ed started, looking over for some manly assurance as the lights of downtown started to flash through our windows. "You know, we've got that party at A's house in the big city we're supposed to go to, as well as C's party over there, but I'm thinking of staying in town and not heading over for New Years."

"Wheeeew" JT started to whistle.

"And, P wants to have a wild party night, no matter the location." he finished, spilling his woes and worries out in one rapid fire shot.

"You're in a bind...but did you hear H wants low key and is staying in town?"

"What? Oh man...somebody isn't going to be happy...oh wait, Noodle box..." he said, shifting his attention to the passing downtown storefronts. "That is such a louh faan place. That reminds me LP, I'm coming over this week to show your wife how to make authentic fried noodles. It should be fun."

"Sweet, she'll be happy. Hey, to get out of the dilemma you could hang with us on New Years." I chimed in. "Early 6:00 dinner with the kids, bath & bed-time stories by 7:30 and we'll be asleep well before midnight! I mean, no woman can be mad at you if you choose to hang with our kids - and besides, you are guaranteed to get to bed early meaning a well rested entrance into the new year."

Thus followed a lively debate as to which party to go to and who would be upset by what.

My stance on the whole issue took a page from William Congreve: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" meaning "if you planned to go to it, you better have a good reason not to."

JT, on the other hand, had a much more balanced approach: "Dude, you gotta do what's best for you....nobody can argue with that." At that point it became brilliantly aware to me that JT was obviously not married. Several years of marriage has taught me when there is women involved there is a glaring difference between "what is good for you" and "what is good for us". To those uninitiated my comment may sound wicked, like a statistics assignment in a research methods class. However, those with experience in it, marriage or statistics, understand and appreciate the fundamental reasoning of my statement.

By the end of the evening Ed was no closer to resolving his dilemma. Three parties, two cities and women vying for his attention at all locations. Concering to some, envious for others but all in a days quandry for Ed.

Good luck buddy, whatever your destination may be, for you go where I cannot help.

Some days I feel fortunate to have the responsibility of staying home to play and stay with my kids, and this was shaping up to be one of those nights.