The Logical Philosopher

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Chemicals for kids

After painstakingly emptying, refilling, balancing and testing the water in my hot-tub I used up all the necessary chemicals, and was in need of more. And, because I was near Wal-Mart when I remembered to pickup more, I thought “May as well try there, because they do try to stock everything”. And I was right, but in a really wrong sort of way.

I wasn’t exactly sure where they would be so I enlisted the help of Darcy, the Greeter. She helpfully suggested I try the Housewares Department and said she would take me there herself, but she couldn’t leave the door. Looking about 95 years old I’m also sure she would have needed a walker to leave her post. As I stood there listening to her slow instructions on how to get there all I could wonder was Is this were people go to work when they get a day pass from the old folks home?

Dodging in and out of meandering shoppers I made it to Housewares, where Jill the associate saw me looking slightly helpless and intervened to help out. “Hmm, I think those are in Sporting Goods dearie, try there.” I think this was Darcy’s sister, but must have been the younger one as she was looking much more spry - but definitely on a day pass from the old folks home.

Across on the other side of the store was Sporting Goods Department, so off I trekked. In retrospect should have carbed up for this: I could see finding chemicals in Wal-Mart was turning into a sport. I finally arrived there only after a 6 minute brisk walk. Now I see why Wal-Mart has a McDonalds in the middle of their store: It’s for when their sales associates send you all over the store looking for something and you need a food break just to keep on going. All I could think was Must….save…energy…for…actual…hot-tubbing

There I was, only for a brief moment, when Marcie the sales associate stepped in to help out. “Pool chemicals? Oh yes, they are in the Toy Department,” she cheerily announced as she pointed back towards another side of the store I had not yet walked through. Argggggg! I stared to think Wal-Mart should change their logo from “Always low prices” to “Come for a walkabout to get low prices”.

“Toy isle?” I asked with some puzzlement in my voice. “Pool chemicals? A grown up pool, not the 3 inch inflatable ones?”. I glanced across the store. Maybe it was going to be a McDonald’s day after all…

“Yes, they are down along the back wall,” she added helpfully.

Bereft of any comfort in the success of my next destination I still decided set off to the Toy Department. Finally, I arrived (after another 6 minute walk) and sure enough, just as Marcie promised there they sat. Nestled between My Little Pony and Star Wars trading cards were the pool chemicals, the corrosive skull and crossbones looking slightly out of place. WTF? I could just see this in a Stephen King novel - you know where the little kids grab the pool chemicals and the My Little Pony dolls, melting them into some mutants that terrorize the Wal-Mart greeters. Or maybe that was a new plot for the forthcoming Gremlins 3 movie Wal-Mart was setting up for.

Can someone please explain that one to me?